This marks a beginning of a nofap journey (I say 'a' because, if you know what is involved, it is never one single journey - it is many journeys of trial and error, self-progression, and self-acceptance).
Table of Contents
Here is the current progress for the month of April.
Unbroken o's represent a chain of nofap for that day of the month.
o's are streak-days.
x's are relapsed.
dashes are either days from a previous/next month, or days remaining in current month.
x's are relapses.
Each number represents how far into the streak I am / was.
- Day 2.
- So far so good. I did an hour of scheduled Favoring, then cleaned my kitchen up a bit.
- Almost an hour into a non-scheduled shift & no orders...fuck. I need the money badly.
- Will NOT return to Florida in the worst-case this time.
- Denver Colorado looks promising. Favor is there.
- So, I plan to survive here, then work on transmigrating.
- If I get evicted, I'll just be homeless for a while. No big.
- Got a car charger / FM tuner for my phone so I can listen to stuff while out on runs & not sweat my phone dying without my external.
- About to hustle for that cash. Still owe for January + February on this place. ~$1600 for rent, plus upcoming bills. We'll see what happens. God has a plan. I sure do not but am doing what I can.
- Relapsed again. No biggie. I'm making this blog public and will make a video when I get up.
- I have been thinking about left-versus-right lately...handedness, politics, brain-hemispheres, how energy flows through the body, energy-polarity, etc.
- My dad's only advice on masturbation was to "not do it". He never said anything about pornography, probably because he had it stashed away himself. I found dirty magazines under his sink when I was around 13 or so, but prior to that I had seen some low-def stuff on AOL.
- Recognizing how fucked-up my life is and what I want out of it is a normal sexual life - a normal life where I get to be happy and accepted by women who want to love me and give me physical attention - I am willing to do anything to be loved by others, ESPECIALLY publicly blog about masturbation abstinence, otherwise known as "nofap".
- Fap is internet slang for masturbation, taken from one of many onomatopoeia for masturbation.
- I started touching myself when I was 8 or 9, when a sex-scene in the movie Jason Goes To Hell came on TV.
- Early on, I knew that I was going to be spending a lot of time alone, and needed to unburden my mind from wanting to seek out attention from women, so I allowed myself to continue under the guise of "training". Once you blow your load, thinking is a lot easier once you take a breather and get something to eat.
- I've had to go my entire life without having very serious sexual needs met, and I'm at the point of my life where I will do anything to get that.
- So, this is part of my Alpha Quest.
- Writing, in general, is one of my many forms of expression that I have not done in a serious manner in a long time, so I am glad that I have chosen to put myself out here in this manner.
- As the old saying goes: "Idle hands are the devil's playthings"
- The plan is to write one entry on this page per day. I have to check in EVERY DAY, or explain why I failed to update, or publicly declare when a relapse occurs. This way I can publicly humiliate / shame myself into compliance through ruthless self-honesty. This...seems to be the only way, because I've never had to answer to anyone as far as this goes...no one has ever stopped me or caught me in the act.
- But, let this be known: fap-addiction is REAL.
- I want to save my loads for women who want them.
- It is very late (3:32am), so I am going to upload this page then go to bed. NN!!!